I don't sit down with any preconceived notions of what I am going to write when I get here. Maybe that's why this isn't the way I want it to be so far. I am structured by soul yet am surrounded by disarray.
It's that time of the month for moi so I am a bit on the short side anyways but I went to my Dad's today and sadly- being near my brothers just puts me into a mood. This isn't same wah wah girly talk..it goes so much deeper, profound and dysfunctional. Tweedle Dee can be my older brother and Tweedle Dum can be my younger one, (almost not figuratively either). The sheer lazyness, feelings of entitlement, the pathetic need for pills to get them through a day of nothingness. I am the one taking my Dad to all his appts. I am the one WITH A CHILD and a home to run. I am the one running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off but they are sooo tired. I mean we are freaken grown adults yet for some reason they choose to still not function in any form of society. I don't know- there's plenty of time to get into them and vent about their levels of disgustingness. Trust me I wish I had any semblance of a family left..a true, deep, caring one. I'm just over being the one carrying so many weights on my shoulders and having Dee and Dum frolic behind waiting for me to drop a scrap of anything that doesn't weigh much and benefits them in some way, shape or form.
Yesterday I took Chops out in the Monsoon again to get him his very first *drumrollll* bike! He has a plastic one and a motorized one but not a real boy bike with training wheels. He is so excited and looks so cute riding it with his helmet, armpads and kneepads. He even 'helped' me push it out of the store and wouldn't let anyone touch it. It goes from swaddling my tiny package to buying a bike..in a few blinks of my eyes. I swear his first day of kindergarten I will need a morphine drip. He begs me now to ride the school bus and when I say no he just skips along and says 'Ok, but tomorrow?!' Nooooooo.
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